Simple Solutions!


Hogan Here!

I have to use all four paws, my tail, and one ear to count the headline topics in Washington. There is healthcare reform, personal and corporate income tax reform, regulatory reforms, trade agreements, infrastructure and Supreme Court confirmations.  And Donald has all of this on his plate!  
Not even a Golden Retriever like Donald can handle all of these issues within the same year.  Added to all of this is the task of draining the swamp.  Didn't know Washington, D.C. had a swamp.  So, as if there weren't enough issues, Donald now has to wrestle with alligators.  

Definitely, Donald only needs to handle one headline topic this year. It is infrastructure. Repairing and rebuilding in every state would win lots of points in popularity.  And, we all know that poor Donald needs points.  At the moment, he is viewed as a dirty dog wearing a Russian hat and racing with the wealthiest wolves of Wall Street.  Not good for a Golden!

As for the other headline topics, bring in the computer geeks!!!!!  Charge them to make computer games of the issues of healthcare reform, tax reform regulatory reforms and trade agreements. Then, hand the games to kids from ages five to fifteen to solve the problems by gaming!  Everything will be resolved in days.  Our kids are smart and they can run circles around Washington.  

I didn't mention the Supreme Court.  That is because I am proposing eight Justices and one dog.  For me, it's personal.
Everything is so easy when handed to a Golden.  

HAND IT TO HOGAN

    

A DONALD MOMENT

ALL IN A DOG'S DAY!


HOGAN HERE!

Every dog needs a job but, frankly, I am over-employed.  Like all Golden Retrievers, I volunteer for about everything and try most of anything else.
Unfortunately,  I learned to tell time when I was a pup.  It is all about the amount of daylight coming in through the windows.  As I result, I have the morning obligation of getting my Dad up at 6:00 a.m. and not a minute earlier.  First, I start with straddling Dad's last night socks and worn slippers directly over his head and, strategically, one foot above his nose.  

Once Dad frantically grabs the slippers and socks from my mouth, I finish the job by lying on Dad's chest and waterboarding him with no less than 100 licks to the head.  This is hardwork because Dad's morning breath is worse than mine. But, you do what you have to do.  And, the day begins.

During the day, I protect the yard, greet all opening doors, entertain my dog sister, Heidi, supervise the house cleaning, give reminders that it is time for distribution of dog food, carry laundry around the house after it has been folded, counter surf for table snacks, drink from dripping faucets, bark at distant dogs, roll on the floor when I want my ears medicated, and guard the house when Mom is gone.  Yeah, I have a lot of responsibility.

AN ESSENTIAL

When it is time for dinner, my world becomes even more difficult.  Meal preparation at my home occasionally calls for oven fires.   I can sense when one is about to occur but I can't stop the burst of flames in the oven causing the smoke and fire alarms to scream.  It's times like this I wonder why I am a house dog.  These are scary moments and definitely calls for overtime pay.


After dinner, my day winds down where my only concerns are warming floors and avoid breathing in any dust bunnies.  It is here that I think of the next day.


As I said, I am over-employed!   But, it is all in a dogs day.


And, I have been thinking.  With all the work that a dog has got to do, no dog should be called a "pet".  Nope.  Every dog should be called "an essential". Yep, you are looking at an "essential".

Rushing Russia!

Hogan Here!

I am here, all right, with my feet firmly planted on solid ground.  Can’t say the same for Donald.  He’s running with Putin!  

Speculations about Donald are many but no one speculates that Donald is kin to me.  Donald looks just like a Golden Retriever.  Without doubt, he is my kin.  And, yet, he is running around with Putin.  Why?  Putin is not a Golden. He’s a Russian Bear Dog; a breed great for Russia but not so great for Donald.  

Donald can’t even make Putin an honorary golden.  Have you noticed that Putin rides horses half naked.  No Golden would think of that!  And, if a Golden did, he would be kicked out of the breed.

And, it gets worse.  In addition, Putin practices two forms of martial arts, tags white polar bears in the wild, and shoots whales with crossbows!  

Donald!  What are you thinking!  You can’t even survive in the same dog contest with Putin.  And, you better never spar with this dude!  

With Putin, Donald, you are in a lose, lose, lose, lose situation. Back off!  If you need to pal around with somebody, pal around with Pope Francis, he is not a Golden but, believe me, he is a Golden Pope.  You are good with him.  Definitely good! 

DON'T GET EXCITED.  THIS POLAR BEAR IS STUFFED!

     

A DONALD MOMENT

Three Strikes And They're Out



Hogan Here!


I communicate to people really well.  Believe me, I have it down to a fine science.  The problem that I have is that people ignore my body cues.  And working my body is what my communication is all about!


Do you know that, just yesterday, my folks were headed out the door with full intention of making me the house watch dog  DON'T MAKE ME THE HOUSE WATCH DOG!!!!  I am not cut out for that kind of stuff!


The first thing I did was jump in my Mom's lap begging her to pet me.  This way, I could hold her down before she could get her car keys.  But that didn't work.  Mom said that she loved me as she pushed me away.


So, I went to Maria, my family friend and did what any dog would do to a family friend.  I grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the living room.  I was sure that she wasn't going anywhere.  But she laughed at me as she pried my jaws open and went for the door.


Desperate times require desperate measures.  I picked up a six pound rope toy with both ends still dragging on the floor.  That is one big rope toy!  Holding it was tough.  But holding it and smiling at the same time was tougher.  And, then the added tail work put the effort over the top.  No one could resist me now!


But, they left!  Yep, three strikes and they were out the door.


As I said, my communication is about working my body.  It looks like I definitely must move it up a notch or two.  So, its either war or its karate!  I'll try karate first.

A GREEN BELT WILL DO

Art of the Deal!


Hogan Here!

Let me tell you about my art of the deal.  My art of the deal is all about strategy in trade.  Trading is what I do everyday.  What do I trade?  I trade everything that I find that is at mug level.  I stuff shoes, towels, socks, pens and "whatevers" in my mouth with extreme skill.  No one ever sees me in the act.  It's the walking in circles around folks that gives the clue that something valuable is at risk.

LOOKING CUTE

Then, the chase is on.  Without fail, I make my way to the kitchen pantry where dog treats permeate the air.  You might think that the chase ends with a treat.  Well, that's too easy.  The treat has to be a GREAT treat!  The treat can also be a HUGE treat.  If the treat isn't GREAT or HUGE, then it is all about renegotiating.  And, renegotiating isn't a two way nose sniffing tactic.  No, it's about looking cute until you get what you want.  That's my art of the deal!  Donald can never do as well.  He just doesn't look cute.

      

Resolution!

Hogan Here!

It is the beginning of the new year with not much for a dog to do.  The house is full of football, black eyed peas, and a few strewn Christmas gifts.  Boring!  So last night, I found my own entertainment.  I retrieved a remote control from under the couch.  Who would have guessed that it was an important part of something Dad thought was pretty valuable.  If I’d known it was important, I wouldn’t have chewed it in two. And, one look at Dad told me that my destiny was the same as that of the remoteI 

I ran to my Mom for protection.  She wouldn’t let Dad near me and I didn’t blame her.  Dad has never had a rabies shot but I think that subject needs to be revisited.  Dad looked like a constipated Pitt Bull.  Yep, Dad had gone psycho! 

Now, it is a day later and the scene is quiet except for football.  Dad loves me even though he's not talking to me.  I am not talking to him either.  Best just to assume love from each other.

CAUGHT!

Not talking to Dad doesn't mean that I won't talk to you. I want to tell you something.  I have made an important resolution.  If I ever retrieve something of someone's, that someone is going to be my mother! 

Golden Retriever, Yes!

Hogan Here!

I have said it before and I have to say it now.  I look just like Donald but without the tie.  I am a Golden.  So. obviously, Donald is a Golden.  We are kin!

Kin have to watch each other's backs.  I'm kin so I've got to prepare my watch. After all, Donald is our next president! Sometimes what you must do in life isn't what you always have planned.  But who would have planned on Donald being a Golden?  

A Donald Moment

In The Moment 

Hogan Here!

It is hard to be in this political race with so much attention directed toward my look-alike, Donald Trump.  While, I really don’t know Donald, I have rightfully given him the title of Honorary Golden.  You have to hand it to him!  He looks just like me.  So,”Honorary”, he is.  This honorary status also awards Donald the unique character traits that only belong to Goldens.

If elected, Donald will be a peerless President.  Up until now, the Presidency has been dictated by ritualistic structure. But, Goldens don’t work well in structure.  Goldens are dictated by the moment.  One moment leads into another and before you know it, an old bone is found, a new friend is made, or the rock once chewn turns into two.  Life gets better.  With Donald in the Presidency, life will get better. But, no one else but Donald, myself and all the Goldens in the world will understand.  We will be living in the moment while everyone else will be putting needle and thread to patterns that only, when finished, get hung on walls and many times never get finished at all. 

DON'T ALWAYS RETRIEVE THE EXPECTED

The One Percent

Hogan Here!

I don’t know why any dog gets up for breakfast.  Breakfast is, usually, heated frozen food, strong coffee and unreasonable schedules.  The only snack for a dog is licking a greasy plate left in the sink.  Drain board surfing only finds daily lists and crumbs.  Most dogs are just salivating for nothing!

Well, I have other thoughts. Breakfast is really one of the sweet spots of life. It is the time when thoughts can flow without interruption and good comfort food can pave the day.  I say, bring on the family discussions basted with poached eggs and bacon but leave the table scraps on the counter.  Yes, allow everyone to move into their morning schedule with positive limits of planned accomplishments.  Make sure that cleaning the kitchen isn't on that morning schedule.

Now, it's the dogs' moment!   G-o-o-o-o dogs!  Go counter surfing!  This is your sweet spot.  You clean the kitchen.  Later, when your folks come home, ask for forgiveness.  It's too late for the permission part!  And, if necessary, point out to your folks that, in a dog's world, they are in the One Percent!  Can't they give up a few scraps?  Yes, they can!

HOPE FOR THE BEST

                                           

Mind Reading!

Hogan Here!

I am lucky to be a dog.  No one tries to read my mind and follow their clairvoyant efforts with false judgment about my intentions.  Nope. I am left alone with my thoughts that take me to wonderful places, where my imagination is full and my capabilities are limitless.  I am free to be a dog.  I am free to be Hogan.    

Mind reading!  The way I see it, “mind reading” is common for those that think with a closed fist rather than an open hand. And their judgment follows.  What a mess!

I prefer my thoughts to be mine only.  As I have said, my thoughts can take me to wonderful places, where my capabilities are limitless and my imagination is full.

Yes, I will be left alone with my thoughts.  Dogs aren’t thought to be great thinkers.  But, we are.  I think deeply under a soft coat of fur that soothes the world.  A mind reader would only pass me by with a light stroke on the back  

But, to be perfectly clear:

Mind reading?  Don’t try it on me!  Again, I am a Golden who’s thoughts go to wonderful places, where my capabilities are limitless and my imagination is full.  

THOUGHTS GO TO WONDERFUL PLACES

Friendship

Hogan Here!

FRIENDSHIP

HEIDI AND ME

The Power of Positive Thinking

Hogan Here!

Don’t feel sorry for me.  Stress happens to everyone.  Yes, I am lying flat on the floor and planning a panic attack.  You would, too, if you were chased by a leaf blower for the last few hours. 

Well, the fact is that I wasn’t really chased.  Every once in a while, I have to exaggerate.  Actually I was inside the house barking at windows and running over furniture while chasing the leaf blower.  Yep, the leaf blower was outside and I was inside.  There is no real difference in location as far as the leaf blower is concerned.   It calls for aggressive action.

But, now, the living room alone has two displaced chairs and multiple decorator pillows strewn across the floor.  I was running too fast to navigate!  And, that is just the living room! 

So, I am on the floor planning a panic attack. I just know that I am in trouble.    

Wait a minute!  What could happen to me that is worse than a leaf blower roaring in my ears?  Nothing. 

I was left in the house to guard.  And, I did my job.  Not one leaf blower made it into the house!  No, not a one!

It’s good!  The house is a mess but its all good.  You might even say that I made a good mess!  You could even say that I made a great mess!  Well, we won't push it.  Just call me a Special Unit Golden Retriever.

PRACTICING TACTICAL MOVES

Just Checking In!

Hogan Here!

TRYING TO PRETEND THIS ISN'T HAPPENING

Sometimes, days don't go as planned!  There are no tail wags or dog smiles for me at this moment.  Nothing of me is working.  Hope you are doing better!